How it all began...
A long time ago, in a Galaxy far far away, a small, round, bearded fella with a questionable amount of talent made a film called Star Wars. Then, some 28 years later, four lads packed up their belongings and set out on a long, strenuous voyage to the land of Ormskirk. Most of them were surprised when the train journey lasted a mere 45 minutes. But never-the-less, had the journey involved long hikes, driving rusty spears through sabertooth tigers, and conversing with French people, it's almost a certainty that our heroes would have done nothing short of the first two.
Anyway, after 45 minutes, they arrived. Which was a good job really or they would have missed freshers week and that would have pissed them off no end.
Alas, after a year and a half of drinking Tesco's home brand paint stripper and waking up in a puddle of what used to be their own insides, they remembered that they had enrolled in a university media course and thought best to make the most of it. So after celebrating, they did just that.
Before long, two production companies were born. On the one side was Tom Critch's and Dean Mason's Trick Pie Productions, and on the other was Kyle Ogden's and Robert Leonard William Alvin Simon Theodore Dormer's Dirty Soap Productions. The middle was quite empty. Let's say, for argument sake, there was a boiled sweet, a sachet of 8p noodles and a portion of Dormer vomit.
Both groups went away and poured sweat and blood into their projects (mainly Robert Dormer because of his anal problems and overactive sweat glands), but they did all work very hard. Then, after months of utilising the cameras macro setting and filming hour after hour of their own genitals in extreme close-ups (their reasoning being that their genitals were the only members that could stand up before midday) both groups discovered some raw acting talent. Trick Pie found the tall and ambiguous Rob Dean and Dirty Soap discovered the small and overt Rachel Mason. Both groups couldn't believe it, especially since they'd been housemates with the thespians since the beginning of second year.
The groups went on to make ground breaking films, such as 'Piece of Mind', 'The Split', 'Host', and 'Black Label'. One fateful day, their stint at university ended and they were each forced to leave the county, because this is what they were told happened to everyone the day after their final lecture. And they knew that this must have been a show of love and affection because why else would the mayer, the police force and the Ormskirk MOD arrive to wave them off? On arriving home, with minimal gunshot wounds, the group embarked on their own, separate paths. Dean Mason frowned and gave some bright spark an idea for a new invention, which he later called "the umbrella", Tom Critch published a couple of books under the names "The Many Body Parts You Can Use To Consume Red Wine", and "I Bet You Didn't Know Your Arsehole Had Taste Buds", Kyle Ogden made millions teaching people how to be great, Robert Dormer was given a job at Eureka filling the bath every hour (legend has it that he got a promotion and no longer has to stick his own fingers down his throat), Rob Dean made his living telling small people that it was about to rain and Rachel Mason kept him in business. Dean Mason, who by this point was earning royalties from the sale of umbrellas, was angered by this. He frowned at the pair of them which lead them to invent the letter "n".
Some years later, under the bright glow of a new star, a little hand carved puppet made a wish. He wished he was a real boy, to which the fairy answered "Don't be a selfish twat! What's your second choice?" And just like that, the group were reformed.
They knew they were onto something big, but they felt like they needed more muscle. They put this thought aside and recruited Chris Philpot, who at the time was making a living as Beyonce's arse double. When he learnt he had been recruited for a new project named STUDENT MUFFIN by, as he described them, "the most amazing cunting set of cretins in the world", he quickly masturbated and mounted his horse, which there was not much point in doing because he had only just masturbated.
Enter Mark Thomas. Legend has it that if you lean out of a window on a still night when the moon is almost full, you will, in the faint distance, hear him say something really fucking stupid. Legend also has it that he has broken his hand more times than Gulliver has travelled. The group picked up on this and signed him to the company on the off-chance that they would ever need a long stand, a bucket of gas, or some tartan paint. He is currently still in negotiations at B&Q.
Chris Murphy was first recognised when he was found lying buried under the earth with only his arms poking through posing as tree trunks, in a quiet hope that a collection of Page Three girls would come on their summer holiday to build a tree house. When our heroes found him they had to talk down 12 supermodels, half of the Leeds Rhinos Rugby team and Fay Wray before un-earthing Murphy and informing him that he had been recruited.
Finally, along came T Walker. The group offered seven more letters for her name and a romantic night in with Dormer. She immediately turned down the letters but took the group up on the night with Dormer. She later tried leaving the group, coincidentally around the same time that she realised that Dormer wasn't the strawberry blonde lad with the upside down smile. Unfortunately, she had already signed the contract. She invented five new swear words and then cut her losses.
With the numbers almost doubled, the group decided that they would come up with a new name, bigger better and much more streamlined than the shit they had previously. Then they remembered that they had a really good production logo for Dirty Soap Productions and settled with that.
Dirty Soap Productions went onto their biggest challenge of all... CREATING THE BEST INTERNET BASED 6 PART COMEDY THAT HAS EVER GRACED ANYONES EYES.
Did they manage it? Keep checking this page to find out.
